Marriage

My wife and I were married earlier in 2017. She is from the Philippines, and I am from the U.S. While coming from different cultures, we have a number of things in common. We both grew up in Christian homes, are affectionate and have similar personalities.

Shortly after the wedding, I was surprised when asked by the administrator of an online group to write about marrying a woman who has been divorced. Why? Because usually the controversy over our marriage hinges on the fact that I am ex-gay.

Like homosexuality in modern times, many churches no longer identify divorce as sin. Over dinner in the first few months of courting, I outlined the worst of my past and ongoing challenges. After my dirtiest laundry was aired, I was shocked when my future wife voiced concern that I might pass judgment on her for having been divorced.

As followers of Christ… Had I told her about my past without mention of repentance (turning away from my sin), she should have been concerned. My thinking was the same- Was the divorce done on biblical grounds (explained further below)? And if not, did she understand that it was sin and repent?

Some say, “If you want to walk sanctified, get married.” – meaning that putting two formerly independent adults together can be a test of, for example, taming the tongue (James 3:1-12). Granted, my wife and I do not always agree, but the bottom line is that…

Marriage is a serious lifetime commitment between a man, a woman and God. The Lord warns against causing division between a husband and wife.

“…a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife… So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”   – Matthew 19:5-6

 

Divorce

There is a difference between God’s law and man’s law. There are only three biblical grounds for divorce:

Any reason apart from these three biblical grounds constitutes sin. No matter how difficult the circumstances, we should not rejoice in our sin and advocate that others sin as we have. Instead, we must repent.

 

As winds of pop culture have blown into the church, I believe that the reason many marriages fail today is that men have abandoned their God-ordained role in the home. Establishing roles is a vital first step.

The husband is the head of the home without exception.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” – Ephesians 5:22-25 (see bottom of page for additional supporting Scripture)

These are commands. There is no plan B.

The following are NOT justifications for allowing your wife to head the home:

  • Wife knows the Bible better than the husband.
  • Husband has made bad choices in life.
  • Wife is a natural leader with a strong personality.
  • “But I am just a janitor, and my wife is president of a Fortune 500 company!”
  • “But our culture favors women leaders.”

Sorry, brothers. The Lord put you in charge of your home.

Does this sound appealing to you? Me neither. It is certainly not popular. Hollywood says a woman can head the home. Almighty God says she is not. Here comes the choice:  Follow God’s Word or popular culture?

The role of head of the home is assigned- not something that is gained or lost. To us men, even those of us who once considered ourselves women, the Lord commands, ‘STEP UP!

 

“Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” – Genesis 2:18

“To the woman he said, I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” – Genesis 3:16

“Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.” – 1 Timothy 2:11-14

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” – Titus 2:3-5

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10 thoughts on “Marriage

  1. Abuse is also a biblical reason to leave a marriage. You failed to mention that.

    And God is the head of a marriage, not the husband. Both are to submit to God.

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    • Thank you for reaching out. Most importantly, be sure that he knows the Lord. Try not to follow only emotions. It’s a lifetime commitment. Seek the Lord to be sure he is the right man for you.
      “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?”
      2 Corinthians 6:14‭-‬15

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  2. If a husband loves his wife with the kind of sacrificial love that Jesus demonstrated – a woman will find it easy to submit to this – Ephesians 5:25 ESV
    Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

    This was the scripture that guided us from our wedding day: Ephesians 5:33 ESV

    However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

    It is a choice and hard work for a husband to learn to love like this. And it is a choice and hard work for a wife to learn to respect like this. However, to do this is the most wonderful path of learning to become more like Christ as we both submit to these instructions.

    Adam abdicated his role of protector in the garden of Eden when he stood back and let Eve take the lead. So for men it is through Christ that he learns how to die to himself and lead and how to love well. Eve went ahead on impulse and on her feelings and so for women, through Christ, it is learning how to die to self and to trust and surrender and to respect the man God has given her.

    We celebrate our 34th wedding anniversary this weekend. I came from lesbianism and my husband from being a punk drummer. So we had a lot of dying to do. And our marriage gets better and more sweet every year.

    Liked by 1 person

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